Why It Gotta Be All That?

I told you guys on Facebook, that I have thoughts, many, many, many thoughts. Well, here they are!

It all started when a friend of mine showed me this screenshot from Twitter:

When we saw this, as Sheneneh the popular character from “In Living Color,” would always say, we were like… “Why it gotta be all that?!”

No but seriously, we were appalled that this horrible thing was said by one so-called Christian to another Christian woman. He tweeted to her as if he was an unbeliever interacting with another man.

The thing that we (black women) got stuck on while discussing this whole debacle is how he has tweeted multiple appalling things to Jackie…and no one said a word.

In the past when this person was nasty to two other sisters in Christ, Christian Twitter had a field day dragging him for it.

When he repeatedly is hateful to Jackie… *crickets.*

My accusation regarding people not saying anything, and frankly maybe not caring enough to draw “his” ire, is qualified by the fact that it took several weeks for anyone to even see him sinning against Jackie. Many did see it, and tried to share it in groups on Facebook…those posts were deleted. The excuse given was, “don’t feed the trolls. He just wants attention and we shouldn’t give it to him.”

Mind you I did have several brothers in the Lord tell me they have this particular troll blocked and that is why they didn’t see it and thus weren’t in a position to respond. Totally get it, but unfortunately the dismissive responses from people when it was finally called out, didn’t do much for convincing me that there wasn’t more to this passivity I was sensing from the brethren.

The excuses may have been valid if we didn’t have examples of people who caped like Superman for other women who have been verbally attacked online and in person by this man. Specifically, other White women who had been attacked by him verbally.

Nice little feminine dominant culture ladies who didn’t deserve to be talked to like that. I agree no woman deserves to be talked to like they aren’t women. Especially by Christians who should know what the Scriptures say about being gentle and kind to women. Which is why I definitely entered the fray and voiced my distaste for how they were treated, as I am prone to do for just about anyone being mistreated or sinned against.

Jackie who is an ex-gay wife, and mother …not very different than the other women he’d publicly attacked, except for the fact that she is a Black woman.

When he attacked the other sisters in the Lord, there were no excuses. People were appalled and called him to repent.

When he attached Jackie, many people used her original tweet as an excuse, because they misunderstood her original premise. Whether that was on purpose or not for some I can’t say. Some are ignorant to anything that doesn’t happen within their particular Christian tribe, so missed the bus in that way. So many latched on to how hateful her tweet was (it wasn’t, more on this below), and not feeding the troll by rebuking him, instead of standing up for their sister in Christ.

So to recap, it was more important to focus on not giving a troll anymore relevance/attention, and calling out a supposed wrong to white people in Jackie’s tweet…than it was to deal with the whole human who was disrespected and verbally attacked in the exchange.

Yes, More Black Women Problems: Misogynoir

Sadly, this isn’t entirely unfamiliar to black people. Definitely not unfamiliar to black women.

Sistas are used to being left out back unprotected. In some instances in the past by force and nowadays just out of invisibility and willfulness. “Oh she is strong enough to take it,” sounds very clever but the problem is, it isn’t biblical. Black women are not a different category of women, which ironically enough we are reminded about constantly.  With this knowledge sistas should not be treated differently, but we are.

I wish I could say this is different in the church, but it isn’t. The shade is pretty consistent across the board.

I won’t rehash previous conversations, but trust me when I tell you, there are so many examples of this dismissive/nonchalant/nasty/aggressive behavior towards black women. We see POTUS frequently calling black women dogs, unintelligent, and whatever other negative stereotype he wants to communicate directly or indirectly. Now mind you he is nasty to most women, and in various ways, but he holds a special distaste for the sistas.

I know that women in general can get a bad rap in various sections of society. As much as people despise feminism it didn’t spring out of a vacuum, it is a thing because misogyny is a real thing. This man and the way that he speaks to women is a clear example of the existence of misogynistic behavior in the church, the reformed church in this case. And it also shows the behavior that I have tried to share with people over and over again only to be met with a whole bunch of excuses and platitudes to placate me into believing misogynoir (a special brand of misogyny expressed specifically towards black women) isn’t actually a thing.

It most assuredly is a thing. This debacle is a clear example.

Let’s Break This Down

Let’s analyze this exchange closer.

First, he didn’t “believe the best,” about his sister in the Lord, he immediately assumed that she was taking a swipe at white people in her tweet. She was actually rebuking her own “tribe” so to speak, and attempting to admonish Black people to cast off the revisionist history that many of us have been taught about Christianity being the “White man’s religion.” It is not. And history testifies to that fact. Christianity was in Africa to a great extent FAR before the Mid Atlantic slave trade. If one would just read a valid history book Christianity moved from South…to North…not from Europe to Africa. Even the blessed Martin Luther learned from Augustine, Michael the Deacon, and Ethiopians in Africa.

In short he was admonishing her for something that didn’t have anything to do with him or dominant culture directly. We all could do a better job of educating ourselves about what is happening with all of our brothers and sisters in the Lord, not just the ones that look like us.

Second, the terms that he used “butch and militant” are dog whistle terms used to censor and silence Black women into not speaking their minds. They are racist terms that admonish black women who do not play into the stereotypical version of acceptable biblical femininity that is purely cultural, and not biblical.

It sets up the current environment where often black women do not get the care that they need or deserve because we are viewed as strong, aggressive, and supposedly set against accepting any assistance.

Everyone has 500 excuses about why they don’t engage with Black women in a certain way, but these excuses are not valid for the Christian. Christ did not call us to faith to only love the loveable. And I don’t say that to automatically assume Black women are just these hateful people who never accept help. I know that we are just as sinful, and as imperfect, as everyone else. Which is precisely why we should not be treated differently, we should be handled with the same care as women of other ethnicities. Black women shouldn’t have to shoulder this burden of acceptable behavior being exhibited before grace and love is extended. (For more on these expectations see Black People Law)

This entire situation just grieves me. I feel for Jackie because no one wants to be spoken to like that by someone, much less by someone who is an elder in Christ’s church and is supposed to be held to a higher standard.

It is hurtful to see other Christians (Pastors and Elders even) continuing to engage with him without admonishing and asking him to repent of his willful sin. It makes me wonder if the weights are uneven, because he isn’t being held to the same standard that other Christians would be held to if they sinned against others in the way that he often does.

I am just praying that people will continue to expose this ministry and mark them as enemies of Christ and to be avoided because they are unloving, hateful, and prone to causing unnecessary division in the body (all division isn’t bad). I pray that he would repent of all his sinful behaviors and step down from pastoring until he can seek help for his erratic behavior.

Lastly, but definitely not least I pray for Jackie and her family…because the way that she is and has been treated is completely unnecessary. May it not deter her from continuing to speak the truth into whatever environment she is called to minister.