Everyone Stay Calm!  I Am Not Crazy.

The people that are close to me know that I see a christian counselor.

No I am not crazy (I’m talking to you Black folks LOL). The black community has a way of stigmatizing those who seek mental health assistance. Immediately jumping to judgmental extremes based on very limited information.

In my case I truly had no choice. I had to get some help.

My mental health was impacting my physical health. I could no longer overlook the correlation. I was out of excuses for ducking and dodging my many doctors about my health and downcast moods.

I’ve been in some form of counseling off and on for over ten years.

I know …ok…I have mad issues.

Some of the issues I’ve covered in counseling include: my sin, abuse (various), exposure to sudden violence, grief, ethnic identity issues, work issues (too many to name), and now church trauma.

I’m sure I’ve talked about much more in counseling but those are the big ones. I’ll probably touch on some of them individually as I continue to share my thoughts. For today’s thoughts…let’s talk about the work (feels like non-work most of the time) I’ve done regarding church trauma.

Wherever I Was Going… I Was Running…

I have not been a willing participant, in the church hurt conversation with my counselor. To be clear she put off work we were doing on my grief and past traumatic memories to work on church trauma.

She is afraid that I will just jettison the church all together, I think. Not even gonna front, the thought has occurred to me…more than once. (Pray for me!)

Her fear is noteworthy because everyone who knows me knows I LURVE the church. I have been in church since I was eight years old. Going to church is like a reflex to me, my life is disrupted if I am not at church on Sunday. So when I told my counselor, that something was up, I’m struggling to find a new church… she knew that wasn’t my normal.

Attacking the church issue head on was the plan, she gave me counseling homework to write about my experiences. I came back in a week with no homework to show and/or discuss (unheard of for this Type A, High Dominant/Conscientious, E/ISTJ, nerd).

She tried to maintain the counseling poker face…unsuccessfully.

I tried to appear neat and zipped up like I was all good…failed.

We simply began to work on church trauma that day, but the full process will take time. I would like to tell you it has been smooth the last few weeks, I’d be lying.

No Quick Solutions

I would love a simple fix.

If there were a pill for all of it, sign me up!

Ignore it all, and maybe it will go away? That is a tempting possibility. My history shows I’ve failed spectacularly at that solution.

Or maybe I only pray and ask God for deliverance!

Yes prayer needs to happen. (Phil 4:6) Of course we should pray when we are hurting. (1 Pet 5:7)

Let me warn you though…God gives us means for a reason. As with anything else, at times, our prayers need to be combined with wise actions. (Jam 2:14-26)

I’ve had dear friends praying for and with me during this entire journey. Without their prayers I am confident I would’ve quit long ago. God has done so much in me as a result of those who cried out to Him on my behalf. I am so grateful to my Savior and to those who pray.

I will be the first to admit, however, that if I would’ve simply prayed in 2007…I may not be here alive today writing this blog. I needed prayer, but I also needed immediate actions, support, and tools from safe people with the proper training. An awesome group counseling experience was used by Christ to provide those pressing needs in 2007.  

I know that for some in the church, the official tribal verbiage goes something like this:

“You don’t need counseling you just need to pray!”

“You don’t need to seek the help of a counselor you just need to repent!”

“Why are you bringing your problems to someone outside of the church?”

I am not assuming that the above quotes aren’t valid concerns, they may be for someone and their specific situation. What I am saying is there is no reason to limit your action items. It doesn’t have to be a black and white/binary situation, it can be a nuanced/phased approach helped along by godly counsel.

I don’t want to mislead anyone into thinking counseling is the answer to every pressing problem, it isn’t. No one but Jesus can accomplish that. Yet, we must fight the urge to throw verses, adages, and “Jesus Jukes,” at the realities of being wrapped in sinful flesh.

The Ask

A very wise woman once said to me, “Anyone with a father and mother could probably use a few hours in counseling.”

I agree. Every single one of us are sinful human beings. (1John 1:8) Our sins do not live in a vacuum, though we tend to live like they do. They spill out all around, sometimes doing the most damage to those closest to us.

If you are hurting, really hurting, there is no shame in seeking help. Even if in your mind the issue doesn’t seem like that big of a deal, yet you can’t seem to shake it…get some help.

Maybe you aren’t in emotional pain, maybe you have a besetting sin that is taking over your life. I know from experience that sometimes we need a sign post to direct the way. A fellow Christian with the training to help us discover the cycle and interrupt it. There is no need to feel “other,” be made to feel alone or like you are the only one struggling.

You are not alone, myself and many others are with you.

You aren’t failing as a Christian because you have come to the end of your self sufficiency. God’s grace is sufficient for our weaknesses. (2 Cor 12:9)

Please consider getting some help, if need be. I am praying for you and don’t hesitate to reach out to me via the comments section or social media for help with a referral or questions, I would love to be your signpost.